


Won't be Alone Again

by Khoshekh42



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: (soon I hope), Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Blackwing is very shitty, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-30
Updated: 2018-12-11
Packaged: 2019-05-31 02:02:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15109499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Khoshekh42/pseuds/Khoshekh42
Summary: Soulmates have empathic and physical connections, a person can feel the feelings and pain of their other half.Todd knows his soulmate has had a rough time, what with the electric shocks, and what he thinks is being locked up somewhere, and once Todd meets Dirk he knows they'll fall in love, but Todd just knows he'll screw it up somehow. It's not like he has the best track record with the people he loves.(Title from Sick of Losing Soulmates by Dodie)





	1. Chapter 1

Todd was eight when his parents explained soulmates to him. The empathic connection between two soulmates was one that wasn’t very strong until one was sixteen or so, his parents told him, unless the emotion is especially strong.

Which is why it was so concerning when, nearly a year after their initial conversation with him, Todd’s parents found him curled in a ball sobbing for no apparent reason.

“Poor baby,” Todd overheard his mother later in the night, “His soulmate experiencing something so traumatic at such a young age.”

“I do hope she’s alright.” He could hear his father though the crack underneath the door.

Todd crept back into his bed, tears still leaking down his face.

It was only a few days after that when it happened for the first time.

Todd had been minding his own business, trying to put together a miniature wooden plane, when he screamed at the top of his lungs- definitely not of his own volition.

The wooden plane was trampled as his parents rushed in to see what the matter was.

Todd clutched desperately at his head, the pain was unbearable for just a few moments, but then lessened to a dull throbbing. Todd was crying again, fear clutching deep in his heart.

“Don’t!” He screeched as his mother tried to hold him. She flinched back as if she’d been burned.

“Not again! Not again, please!” But there it was again, the bright shocking pain in his skull, and then a sharper throbbing than the last time.

This happened three more times on the Brotzmans’ way to the hospital, each time their son screaming louder and louder, curling up into himself more and more.

The sixth time it happened was just as they entered the hospital.

The heart-wrenching wail, the terrified sob, sounds Mr. and Mrs. Brotzman didn’t yet know they’d grow accustomed to.

The doctors couldn’t find anything wrong with Todd, saying the pain was likely a side effect of the empathic bond that Todd shared with his soulmate.

“The pain,” They explained, “Is likely due to a series of electric shocks.”

Horror settled in the Brotzmans’ stomachs.

“Electric shocks?” Mrs. Brotzman.

“He’s hardly nine. His soulmate couldn’t be much older than that.” Mr. Brotzman.

“Does this mean the poor girl is being…” Mrs. Brotzman glanced down at her sedated son, “Tortured?”

The doctors looked just as unsettled and worried as Todd’s parents did.

 

Todd didn’t do well in school after that first incident. Often a series of shocks would occur during the school day, and he’d just fall on the ground, screaming, shaking.

Children are never the kindest to anything even the slightest out of the ordinary.

So that’s how Todd Brotzman found himself suddenly without any friends to speak of.

Yet…

He tried to remain happy.

Not for his own sake, but to bring some joy to his soulmate- who everyone kept referring to as ‘she’ or ‘her’, but the longer Todd dealt with everything, the more he’s convinced his soulmate is more ‘he’ or ‘him’. He keeps these thoughts to himself as to not worry his parents any further.

It’s with a heavy heart that Todd went to sleep on his eleventh birthday, trying nothing more than to project love and warmth to his soulmate.  
Wherever he was.

-=-=-=-=-

 

When 2000 came around, and Todd Brotzman graduated from high school, he was the happiest he’d ever been, his blue eyes were bright, and he felt nothing but joy and, as he scooped up his six-year-old sister in his arms, love.

Todd held on to these feelings as he went to bed, and he tried desperately to project them. He’d been doing a lot of reading on how to project his feelings onto, or suppress them from his soulmate. After trying this for a minute or so, he was hit with a wave of gratitude mingled with a dull sense of fear.

Todd just wished he knew how to fix whatever was happening with his soulmate. His mind drifted back to when he was just ten, there’d been a particularly bad incident. Nothing electric, but Todd had been shaking, and cowering in his room, and he’d refused to leave for anything. He didn’t know how to project back then, and he sure as hell didn’t have the maturity to suppress his own fear, so he sat in the corner of his bed wrapped in on himself for two days. Anytime someone fed something to him, he’d throw it up within the hour. On the third day, once Todd felt okay enough, his parents took him down to the police station at his request, only to be told that they didn’t have enough evidence to tell them who it was and how to get to “her”.

Todd had resented the police for a while after that, and the face of pity on the young detective who’d told him that there was nothing they could do was burned in his mind forever. He knew he’d always harbor a particular brand of hatred for that man, and just prayed that he would never run into him on the street.

It was November 3rd of 2000, Todd was adjusting to classes at his college. He was in the middle of his Tuesday psych class when… Freedom. Joy. Wonderment. Such giddy, desperate happiness that it completely overwhelmed Todd. The tears were streaming down his face before he could comprehend what this must mean for his soulmate. He was sobbing, laughing, he couldn’t help it.

One of his friends in the class, Shauna, escorted him out, careful to grab all of Todd’s things from his seat.

“What’s wrong?”

Todd had never told a soul about his soulmate since that detective in 1991.

“He’s free.” The words stumbled out.

“What, who?” She was beginning to wonder about the reasons her friend had for deciding on becoming a psychology major.

“He- he… It’s over, Shauna. I know it is, he doesn’t have to go through any of- of whatever the fuck he was dealing with.” Todd was rambling, he knew he didn’t make sense, but his soulmate’s relief- and subsequently his own- was overwhelming him.

“Who? Go through what?” Shauna had led him to a shady spot on the campus that didn’t have high traffic.

“My soulmate.”

Shauna’s eyebrows shot up in surprise.

“I think- I think he was being held captive somewhere, tortured, I don’t know.”

“Fucking Christ, Brotzman.”

And so, Todd spilled everything.

“The first time I got a projection was when I was nine. Something terrible happened, I was just sobbing uncontrollably. I think that’s when he was taken. He was electrocuted for the first time a couple days later. They would happen in spurts of ten or so, until I was maybe thirteen. He hasn’t had much in the way of electric shocks since then. Maybe a couple, but nothing too bad, thank god. Something really bad happened when I was ten, I didn’t stop shaking for three days. That’s when I went to the police. Who said that they couldn’t do anything. Somehow I still managed to get spurts of happiness from him. I… I don’t know how he did it. But now… I think he’s free. There was just this… ecstatic desperation. And freedom.”

Shauna pulled him into a hug. Tight and protective.

-=-=-=-=-

 

Everything went downhill from there. The lying, the stealing.

Todd was an asshole.

He stopped projecting anything to his soulmate, who he decided would be better off without him.

-=-=-=-=-

 

It was 2016. Todd had gotten a job at the Perryman Grand Hotel.

He hated it, and for a moment, he considered just robbing it and taking off.

He shook the thought off and continued the boring shift.

His apartment sucked, as did his landlord.

He hated it all, and for more than a moment, he considered just putting one of Dorian’s guns in his mouth and ending everything.

No one would miss him.

In one of his particularly downward spirals, he felt the familiar aching pain that came from his soulmate, sorrow, and a distinct nagging worry that he supposed was his fault, what with the kind of thoughts he was having.

He didn’t have the energy to feel bad about it, so he went to bed, and continued the endless cycle he’d put himself on.

Until something weird happened.

“-time machine! No, you lied to me. You lied to me the whole time and now you've screwed both of us. No! Silence! No! Don't you say a word. I don't want to hear- holy shit, this is when it happened. That means… Come on!”

And Todd panicked.

Then there was blood, lots of blood, and bodies.

And Todd thought he might be sick.

 

“Hey, Todd.” His boss approached him, “There are a couple detectives here to talk to you.”

Todd nodded mutely and followed without complaint.

He squinted at the older detective as he met him, feeling a confusing sense of dread.

“You’re Todd Brotzman?” The younger detective asked.

Todd nodded, eyes not leaving the older detective.

“I’m Detective Estevez, that’s Detective Zimmerfield.”

“Zimmerfield.” He growled as he understood. (Todd supposed he shouldn’t be getting mad at the people who had the power to put him in jail. Not that he really cared all that much at that point).

“Excuse me?” Zimmerfield said, looking affronted.

“You don’t remember me,” Todd offered, still glaring “But it was 1991, and I came to you and told you my soulmate was being tortured and you said you couldn’t do anything.”

Understanding dawned on the detective’s face.

“Now, I don’t know what happened in that penthouse.” Todd said, “But it had nothing to do with me. I think I’d like to go now.” He started walking in the direction of the lobby.

Estevez called after him, “Do you know anything about a man in a gorilla mask?”

Todd turned back to look at Estevez, confused. “Why would I?”

They showed him bad security footage of a skinny man in a gorilla mask going into the penthouse.

Something about the man seeming innately important to Todd, but he brushed it off, shrugged, then left.

And promptly got fired.

What happened after was a blur of his own thoughts, how would he pay for Amanda’s treatment? How would he pay for rent? Whose corgi was that?

He opened the door to his apartment wondering if he could get away with selling his bellhop uniform on eBay.

“Hi!”

Todd jolted and threw a shoe at the man’s face, who toppled through the window, landing harshly on his head.

Todd felt a sharp pain in his own head.

No.

Todd walked over to the man (who was trying to do some sort weird karate? Whatever it was, he was very bad at it).

“Stop.” Todd said, putting as much authority into his voice as possible.

The man did, looking down at Todd curiously.

Todd slapped him as hard as he could (“Ow!”). And just as he did, there was sharp pain across his left cheek.

“Oh now the universe is just fucking with me.” Todd inspected the man he now knew was his soulmate. He was tall and gangly, with some sort of weird bright yellow jacket that somehow suited him. But he was cute.

“What was that for? That seems like a wildly inappropriate response to-”

“You broke into my house. And… you’re my soulmate. Apparently.”

The man stopped, and the anger drained out if his face. “Oh!” He paused, and his face fell, “Oh… I’ll just…” He turned and started trying to climb back out the window.

“Dude, what the fuck?” Todd grabbed him and dragged him back into the apartment.

“Should I just… use the door?”

“No, what? No, I’m not mad at you, I’ve just had a really shitty day.”

“Oh… Oh, are you alright?” The man looked genuinely concerned.

“Am I-? Dude, are you okay?” Memories of passing out from pain flashed before Todd’s eyes.

But the man just looked confused again. “What do you mean?”

“Who- what- from what the doctors could tell, those were electric shocks.”

The color drained from the man’s face. “Oh. Oh, god. I am so sorry.”

“Why are you sorry?”

“I’d hoped- stupidly- that you wouldn’t feel them. I did try to suppress it later on, I am so sorry, I completely understand if you just want me to leave and never come back.”

“No, it wasn’t your fault! You couldn’t have been more than ten. Besides, with what I’ve done I- I probably deserve it.”

“What? How could you- how could you say that? No one deserves that. Not you, not me, not even…” He trailed off looking down at his shoes.

“Not even- hey. What’s your name?”

This seemed to brighten him up significantly. “Dirk Gently”

“I’m Todd. Todd Brotzman.”

“It’s really nice to meet you, Todd.” He seemed to mean it honestly.

“Dirk… Are you okay? Honestly, is there anything I can do? I’ve been feeling guilty that I couldn’t do anything since I was nine, and it’d be really nice to try to do something good for once in my life.”

“Todd. You’ve done enough. You kept me strong while I was in Blackwing, sometimes I would get these strong senses of caring that I hadn’t felt since I was nine, and… it kept me going. I don’t… I don’t know if I’ll be ready to talk about Blackwing yet, or ever. But I promise you, I’m okay. Because of you. Because of what you did when you were younger. Because I’m here with you now.” A cold crossed Dirk’s eyes whenever he spoke of Blackwing, and Todd shuddered, not knowing what all Dirk had been through.

“Now, Todd.” Dirk peered at him. “I think you’ll make a lovely assistant.”

“A what?”

“With the case! Oh, stupid Dirk, right, we’re on a case.”

“A what?” Todd repeated.

“A case. The murder of Patrick Spring? The body you found in the penthouse at the Perryman Grand?”

“Are you a detective?”

“Yes. Well, Holistic Detective, not that it makes much difference. You know, the interconnectedness of all things, and all that. Everything is connected, Todd!” Dirk grabbed Todd’s hands, and heat rose up into his cheeks. “And now we are connected physically, where before it was just empathically. And I can’t wait to see where it leads us.”

Todd’s eyes widened, his breathing quickened.

And he jerked away.

He could only see the hurt in Dirk’s eyes for a moment before he was staring at the ground with swimming eyes.

“Dirk… This is nothing about you, I care about you more than I think I realize, which is why this- we can’t- I-”

His breathing only became faster, and he sniffed.

“I’m not going to be good for you, Dirk. I just… I fuck everything up. For everyone around me.”

“No you don’t!” Dirk’s response was forceful. “You’ve always been good for me, Todd. And I’m sorry if you don’t realize it, but you don’t know the half of what Blackwing did to me, and I could never have…” His voice softened. “I dreamed about the day we could finally meet, and I’ll be damned if I’ll let you just walk away. Todd, I believe wholeheartedly and sincerely in what the universe has chosen for me. And it chose you. Todd, I know I’m not going to be the easiest person to be around, but… If you can put up with me and all of my… eccentricities, then I totally believe I can put up with your particular ‘eccentricities’, whatever those may or may not be.”

“I just… Dirk... “ And Todd Brotzman let out a strangled sob, crying for the first time since that fateful day in 2000. 

“Todd?”

“I’ve wanted to… I’ve hoped... “ Todd took a deep breath. “I think I’d just like to go to sleep now. I’ve had a really, really shitty day, and this is nothing against you but hearing you say all these things, well… Let’s just say that they don’t make the guilt any easier.”

Dirk cocked his head at that, but decided against commenting at the time, “I can understand the shitty day.” He bit his lip, as if forcing words to stay in his mouth.

“Good night, Dirk.”

“Sleep well, Todd.” He hesitated, “I can go if you want.” He motioned towards the window.

“No, just… bunk on the couch if you’d like.”

“Thank you.” There was more to the words to just be for letting him sleep on the couch.

“Any time.” And from Todd’s eyes, he understood every word.


	2. Chapter 2

When Todd woke the next morning, Dirk was already up- it seemed like he had been up for quite some time. Todd shuffled awkwardly to the coffee machine, unsure of what to do. It had been a long time since he’d woken to someone else in the apartment.

“Todd! You’re up, good! See, I’ve been going over the case in my head, trying to figure out where to go next and I think the detective thing to do would be to go back to the scene of the crime.”

Todd sighed, putting the coffee filter into the machine. “Dirk… No offense to you, but I think I need to go visit my sister today. I’ve got some money I need to give to her, and after yesterday, I just want to see her.”

“What’s the money for?” Dirk asked curiously.

Todd eyed Dirk warily. Despite being his soulmate, Todd was uncertain about giving out the fact that his sister had pararibulitis “I- just medical issues. It’s nothing you need to worry about.”

“Well, I’ll take you. I mean I hardly think your car is going to move any time soon.” Dirk motioned towards the window where Todd could see the remnants of his car lying.

“I thought you were going back to ‘the scene of the crime’ and all that.”

“Oh that was never something I was going to do, I don’t do much with clues or anything, I usually just walk around and the answer just falls into my lap. Or in the case of that one thing involving the soup spoon, directly onto my head.” Dirk rubs the top of his head as he could still feel it. 

“So you’re a detective… that doesn’t detect?”

“Essentially. But when you put it like that it really makes me sound like a rubbish detective.”

“Right…”

“The offer still stands, Todd.” Dirk said brightly, “I’ll take you to your sister’s.”

“That would be nice, actually. Lemme just…” Todd turned to pick up a guitar case that was leaning against a wall, and walked over to a picture frame, and grabbed a wad of bills that was sitting underneath it.

Todd was stupidly paranoid that Dirk would know how he came to have the money, how he stole it from his landlord. Dirk, however, seemed fairly uninterested in the money, and focused instead on the picture frame. 

“So, is that your sister?”

“Yeah.” Todd smiled fondly at the picture for a moment, before turning and grabbing his jacket from the back of a chair.  
He paused as he got to the door. “I hope you’ve got a car here, mine… broke down.” If Dorian smashing it could be considered breaking down. Dirk looked contemplative. “Well I’ve been driving a car if that’s good enough.”

Todd decided not to ruminate on that too much, and instead let Dirk lead him out the door, and down to where a nice electric blue car was parked.  
Dirk’s driving was decidedly bad. Todd was certain that in the hour drive to Amanda’s, he would end up having some sort of panic attack. 

“So Todd,” Dirk began. “If you’d allow me, I’d like to go over the case with you.”

“You said you were a private detective, right?” When Dirk nodded, Todd continued, “So who hired you on this, it only just happened. I mean, it’s not even on the news yet hardly.”  
At this, Dirk lit up, turning to look at Todd completely.

“Road!” Todd grabbed the door, as if ready to duck and roll at a moment’s notice.

How ironic would it be if, after years and years of waiting, Todd ended up dying not even a day after meeting his soulmate because Dirk himself ran the car into a tree. Todd tried not to think about it too hard.

“Right. But as you were saying, that’s getting to the interesting thing! You really are going to be an incredibly helpful assistant. Patrick Spring hired me.” He looked to Todd expectantly. When Todd’s face remained blank, Dirk sighed and elaborated slowly as if Todd were an incredibly stupid child. “Patrick Spring? Father of Lydia Spring? The dead man?”

At this, Todd’s eyebrows furrowed together. “Wait, so you’re saying that the guy who died was Patrick Spring, and that he was the one to hire you to solve his own murder?”

“Nearly a week before it happened.” Dirk was grinning as if he weren’t talking about a murder.

“That’s… Actually really interesting.”

Dirk ended up going on and on about a previous case- involving something about Thor, Dirk wasn’t the best storyteller, he tended to ramble about things with no relevance to the story, and tell the story itself completely out of order- but Todd found that he was beginning to become less and less nervous as he had been about Dirk’s driving, however maniacal it still was, because he found that he trusted the man more than he’d ever trusted anyone but Amanda. Todd smiled out the window, listening to Dirk’s rambling, thinking about how Dirk- his soulmate- was going to change things.

Todd decided he was excited.

 

Forty-five minutes into the drive, it occurred to Todd that he hadn't warned Amanda that they'd be coming. And only a few seconds after that, he realized that he hadn't even considered how he'd introduce Dirk to Amanda. On the one hand, saying he was anything less than his soulmate might offend Dirk, but on the other hand, he hadn't exactly come out to his sister yet.

He called Amanda, who picked up almost immediately.

"Hey! It's Todd, my worst brother."

"Thanks for that. I was just calling to say I'm about 15 minutes out from your place."

"You're coming? I thought you said you couldn't."

"Things... Changed. You don't need to worry, I'll explain everything when I get there."

"Awesome. Can't wait to see you."

"Yeah, me too."

Todd ended the call and glanced over to Dirk. "Sorry, I just forgot to tell her I'd be coming."

Dirk nodded in understanding as he calmly swerved dramatically around another car, nearly sending them careening into a ditch.

 

Finally, they got to Amanda's house with only a couple more near death experiences.

Amanda stood on the front stoop, gaping at the fancy car pulling into her driveway. Her brow furrowed when she saw the man driving said car.

Todd shoved the door open and ran up to hug her. She reciprocated in kind, but kept an eye on the yellow jacket clad man who'd driven her brother to her house.

"Who's the guy?" She asked, finally giving into her curiosity.

Todd flushed immediately, and as he opened his mouth he realized that he'd never decided on what to tell her.

"He- Dirk Gently. He's um... He's my soulmate." Todd could feel his shoulders growing tense, and he wouldn't meet Amanda's eye.

"Dude!" She punched him in the arm, and he finally looked up at her face. She looked ecstatic.

"That's so awesome, how'd you meet? Why didn't you tell me immediately? Hi!" She waved at Dirk who was hanging back, obviously nervous about his first impression.

Todd smirked ever so slightly. "He kind of broke into my apartment, I threw a shoe at him."

"That still wasn't nice of you." Dirk fixed Todd with a dramatically judgmental look, having come up to talk to them, taking Amanda’s greeting as some form of approval.

Todd rolled his eyes, "You realize you actually broke into my apartment, right? You'd think I'd be allowed to throw shit at the guy climbing through my window."

"Well it's not like I was there to kill you or anything."

"Like I knew that!"

"Why exactly were you breaking into my brother's place? That's just a little suspicious." Amanda did in fact look somewhat concerned at the thought that her brother's soulmate was just climbing into his window.

"Oh, that's easy." Dirk answered before Todd could explain. "I'm investigating the murder of Patrick Spring and Todd here is going to be essential to solving it."

"Dude."

"It's not a big deal-"

"It rather is, Todd, you did see the scene of the crime, you know how bad it all is."

Todd glared at Dirk, he'd hoped that Amanda wouldn't hear about all this murder business, at least not until it was all over.

"You were at the scene of a murder?" Amanda seemed equal parts excited and horrified.

"I mean it’s not like I saw it happening."

"Still that's wild, man."

“I’ll explain, just… Let’s go inside.”


End file.
